Saturday, November 24, 2012

Go Urinate

Back when I was living in Melbourne we had this situation where somebody decided to smash in one of the toilets on St. Patty`s Day.  It was a hostel that hosted around 30 people at any given time, and there were only two toilets.  Needless to say, this was not optimal.  A month later it still had not been fixed, and had become something of a joke.  Seriously, one toilet for 30 people could have be the foundation of a reality show.

The balcony was the place to be at the hostel, so every night we`d all congregate outside and laugh and talk and drink goon until all hours of the night.  My hetero girlfriend Dominique and I would relive our favourite Glee moments together, and listen to Glee songs, and talk about how we kind of wanted to be in charge of Glee so that we could always get the plot outcome and song selection that we wanted.  One thing we agreed on was that WE LOVE LEA MICHELE!!!  We would constantly talk about which Rachel Berry song was our favourite, and how she was the best singer in the entire world.  We both considered "Don`t Rain on My Parade" to be a solid contender.  (The one where she rocked it at Sectionals first season, not the unfortunate NYATA audition version.)

Dom and I also really liked her cover of the Fleetwood Mac song "Go Your Own Way", and we used to sing it a lot.  One night when we were on the balcony I had to use the facility, and to excuse myself I said something about urinating.  We both simultaneously discovered that the word "urinate" kind of sounds a bit like "your own way", at which point we burst into choruses of  "You can go urinate, go urinate..." which we decided was hilarious.  Then I left to go to the bathroom.

About 20 minutes later Dom started wondering where I went.  I had been piecing together the rest of the lyrics, which lamented our broken toilet situation.  I put together two verses, then grabbed her from the balcony and kidnapped her.  She was confused, as she had no idea what I had been up to.  So I told her to sit down and I was going to perform for her.  I started trying to sing the song I had just written, but I was so drunk on goon and it was such a terrible song that we both just started laughing hysterically as soon as she figured out what was going on.  I couldn`t speak I was laughing so hard, and had I not just been to the toilet I probably would`ve peed myself.  But I managed to squeak out a few of the lyrics, and then ultimately just gave her a copy of the song because there was absolutely no way I was getting through it.  So, without further ado!

Go Urinate

Bathroom 2 isn`t the right place to poo
How can I when someone smashed in the seat
If I could baby I`d fix it for you
How can we have any fibre to eat

Oh, you can go urinate
Go urinate
You can call in a plumber for today
A plumber for today

Tell me why
It`s been a month of this
Wait in line, hold it in`s all you can do
Takes so long, baby to just take a piss
Even worse when someone goes number two

Oh, you can go urinate
Go urinate
You can call in a plumber for today
A plumber for today


No comments:

Post a Comment